Female Behavior
One common topic of discussion among guys is why women are so concerned about
appearances, and how this relates to their catty behavior. First of all, it’s generally understood
that women dress nice not for men, but for other women. So that they can one-up their rivals, who are all buying into a myth of male perfection: Five foot five, one hundred pounds, with legs
to her neck and boobs like prize-winning cantaloupes.
I think this is generally true, but needs to be amended. Women do use the "butterfly"
behavior to attract men, but it’s not in the sense of “Aren’t you impressed at how good I look in
these clothes/shoes?" It is actually in the sense of "Aren’t you impressed at how much better I
look than other women in these clothes/shoes?"
You see, women are catty because they live in comparison. Everything they have been
brought up with tells them that they exist only in comparison to other women, typically the stick bug
models on the cover of “Cosmopolitan” or “Vogue.” So, their concern is not as much on
impressing us with their stand-alone looks and qualities as it is with standing out from the herd
of other Kitty-kats. I suspect this also ties to other behavior, such as their heart-stopping
question of "Do I look fat?" They’re thinking about how they look in comparison to other women,
not because they’re worried about not satisfying their man’s ideal. This may help men in
addressing women’s seemingly neurotic questions by phrasing answers the way they really want to hear them – not the way they are asked. Your answer should always say that there is no
other woman that compares. (But maybe with just a hint of doubt...)
Profile of a Good Woman – The Four Essential Qualities
After covering all these negative qualities, I wanted to take a moment to suggest some of
the positive traits of the woman that most men find amenable to them. This is a simple formula
for judging her essence. I consider these the Four Essential Qualities of a good woman.
1) Flexible/Positive Attitude: Her philosophy of life has to be upbeat, not dark. She’s
conscious of her health. She expects the best from life. She has an open and adventurous spirit. She has an intellect you find engaging, not condescending and
dismissive. She’s giving. She respects you. When you suggest an activity, you don’t
get a bunch of excuses. This woman is low to reasonable maintenance. She’s also
patient, not jumping to conclusions or having to be soothed all the time.
2) High-integrity/Trust: You need a woman of good moral fiber. You need to be able
to trust her. This woman could end up raising your children. You can’t accept a
woman who you have to worry about. If she engages in a lot of backstabbing,
chances are she is a resentful type who will stow away her slights and hit you with
them like a grocery list when the time is right. You’ve got to be able to trust her with
your life
3) Sexually and intellectually attractive: You have to be able to interact and talk on a
fairly equitable level. She has to excite you physically and mentally. (You’d be
surprised how much longer the sex lasts when she isn’t as dumb as a box of rocks.)
She also needs to have at least a comparable sex drive with you. You don’t want to
struggle over satisfying physical needs. If she has a good attitude, you should at
least be able to discuss this and reach agreements where needed, but start with a
healthy sex drive. It makes the road much easier to travel.
4) Capable and competent: I’ve dated more than my fair share of women who were
looking for father figures or saviors, and I’ll tell you that their maturity level always
leaves you wanting. There are a great deal of men who like this role, but they don’t
realize how badly their attitude suffers and how much resentment they build up
having to be a boyfriend and a daddy. Your woman should be able to take care of
herself and live her own life. She should have her own job and stable source of
income. If you’re looking to go long term with someone, they should also be capable
and competent communicators. Shortcut: People are usually a wreck on the outside
when they’re a wreck on the inside.
It’s really pretty simple. You don’t have to share the exact same five outdoor hobbies or
love only Jazz and Swing. If you can establish a solid foundation of flexibility, attraction, trust,
and competency, you’ve got enough to work from.
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